When It Feels Like Nothing's Working: A Parenting Pep Talk
Last week, my husband and I had one of those weeks with one of our teenage boys—the kind where every day felt like a new episode of “What in the world were you thinking?” and “He did WHAT!?!”
Each long conversation ended with me thinking, “Okay, that got through to him,” or “Surely, he won’t make that mistake again.” But two days later? We were right back where we started, having the same conversation all over again. (Go here to read why long talks rarely work—especially with ADHD kids and teens.) And yet, that’s exactly what I kept doing. With each round of lying, deception, and skirting nearly every family rule we’ve set, the conversations got more intense and emotionally charged.
By Friday, I was done. Mentally and emotionally wiped out. I remember thinking, “You don’t want parents telling you what to do? Fine. Let’s see how far you get without us.”
But thankfully, a coworker gave me the perspective shift I didn’t know I needed. She said,
“Brittney, everything you’re describing is completely age-appropriate. We see this every day. This is what teenagers do.” And she was right. As a junior high school counselor, I work with struggling teens every day with much bigger problems.
But in my head, all I could think was: “I know this is what teenagers do, but not MY teenagers!”
(Famous last words of every parent ever, right?)
That moment hit me hard. It reminded me how often we extend patience, tolerance, and grace to other people’s kids, but hold our own to a much higher standard. And while that’s not always a bad thing—it means we care—it can make it hard to accept that our kids are going to mess up. They're going to disappoint us. They're going to take detours and scare us half to death.
And in those moments, it will feel like you’re failing. Like you’re not doing enough. Like maybe you’re not cut out for this parenting thing.
So here’s the advice I needed that Friday afternoon, and maybe you need it today too:
Keep going. Keep showing up and doing your best.
That’s it. That’s the secret.
Your kid needs you to be there—even when they act like they don’t. They need your consistency, your boundaries, your unconditional love, and your calm in the chaos. They need the version of you who keeps coming back, day after day, to guide, correct, encourage, and believe in them.
So to every parent who’s in the thick of it: I see you. You’re not alone. And what you’re doing matters more than you know.
Keep going. It gets better.
And even when it doesn’t get better right away—you get stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
Your kid will thank you one day. And in the meantime, know this: You’re doing better than you think.
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