Why Teens Lie—and What You Should Say Instead
One of the most concerning behaviors parents encounter as their kids get older is lying. It can feel incredibly frustrating—and even scary—when you start to wonder if you can trust your child. Sometimes it’s not even outright lies. Withholding information, dodging questions, or telling half-truths can be just as unsettling, especially when you suspect something unsafe might be going on.
First, take a deep breath. Don’t freak out.
This behavior, while difficult, is actually very age-appropriate. Even if your child has always been an open book, there will come a time when they aren’t. This isn’t a sign that you’ve failed as a parent—it’s a sign that they’re growing up.
Your child is entering a new stage of development—one where independence and privacy become increasingly important. The goal isn't to keep the same relationship you had when they were little, where they told you every detail and looked to you for direction in all things. Instead, you're building a new, more mature relationship—one rooted in mutual respect, trust, and emotional safety.
Common Topics Teens Lie About
Here are some of the most frequent areas where I see teens stretch the truth—or keep things to themselves:
Dating
This is especially common when families have strict rules about when kids can start dating or what kind of relationships are “approved.” Teens may hide romantic relationships out of fear of disapproval or punishment.
Friends
As teens shift their social focus from parents to peers, friendships take center stage. If a parent disapproves of a friend, a teen may lie about who they’re spending time with to avoid conflict.
Location
Teens may mislead parents about where they are or when they'll be home. This is often a way to test boundaries or gain more freedom without facing consequences.
Why Teens Lie
In my work with teens, here are the most common reasons they give for lying or withholding information:
They’re afraid of getting in trouble or receiving a lecture.
They don’t realize the seriousness of the situation and assume it’s no big deal.
They feel ashamed or embarrassed about a decision they’ve made and want to avoid judgment.
How Parents Should Respond
If you’ve always had a close relationship with your teen, it can be especially painful to find out they haven’t been honest. The natural reaction is to confront them—maybe even interrogate them—about why they lied. But this almost always backfires.
Here’s why:
When you respond emotionally or critically, you validate your teen’s fear—that they can’t come to you with hard stuff without getting in trouble or feeling judged. Even if your intention is to understand, they’ll experience it as overreaction.
Instead, your focus should be on connection over correction.
Avoid Saying:
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
“Why did you lie to me?”
“Now I can’t trust you.”
These statements shut down communication and make your teen less likely to open up next time.
Try Saying:
“I’m so glad you’re telling me now.”
“Thank you for being honest with me.”
“I’m really glad we’re talking about this.”
These responses communicate safety, openness, and emotional strength. They show your teen that you can handle the truth—and you’re someone they can trust even when things are hard.
Final Thoughts
Adolescence is a time for learning, failing, and trying again. It’s a time for stretching boundaries, pushing limits, and figuring out who they want to be. Lying—or withholding—isn’t always a sign of rebellion. More often, it’s a clumsy attempt at independence or self-protection.
Your job isn’t to control everything—it’s to stay calm, stay connected, and create an environment where truth feels safe.
Your teen doesn't need a perfect parent. They need a steady one.